When in Doubt, Be Happy

The idea is that if we choose happiness in the face of uncertainty, we can be calm, loving,
and more creative to come up with answers. It sounds like a great advice, right? Now that the waiting time for our second adoption has officially started, I am going to try to keep in my mind the phrase in the title above. But it may be kind of hard...

Since our first conversation with CSS three months ago we were told very clearly that adopting from Russia (and specially a girl) will be very different and more "complicated" than our first adoption in 2008. Somehow I still felt relaxed and very smoothly we finished our homestudy, got our docs together and completed our dossier... Well, I talked to C yesterday and even though she gave me somewhat good news, she also gave me more insight of how hard will be to find a daughter for us and a sister for Diego.

Apparently few weeks (or maybe months ago) the big boss of the MOE in Moscow (V) took a sick leave and during her absence it was not clear who really was left in charge. During that time not too many families were registered and was hard to get referrals. Now, V is not returning for good and her deputy (L) is temporarily (and hopefully permanently) in charge. CSS seems to have worked with L for a long time and they are hoping that now things will start moving forward a bit more smoothly with the families in process. That was the good news.

We also found out that currently there are 6 families ahead of us with their dossiers translated trying to adopt girls (some registered in a Region, others maybe waiting to be registered - C didn't give specific details of course) and C told me that we were the last family CSS has accepted for adopting a girl, and if we were a new family she probably would have said no to us. Wow! In part it's good that CSS is not just approving families and then have them waiting and waiting for referrals for ever, but this also shows me that completing this adoption may REALLY a challenge.

I guess the big things is still the fact that Russian families continue to become foster families for babies and there are less and less baby girls available for international adoption. And then, the few baby girls available sometimes have very severe health issues (AIDS, Hepatitis C, among others). C mentioned that sometimes it looks like a girl is coming out of the database and that it could be a referral for a family, and few days before the family is supposed to receive the referral, the girl can be taken by a Russian family and that's nothing that can be done... I had heard about it in FRUA even when we were adopting Diego, but now it seems to be a higher chance for that to happen... And then when I read Joy's blog today it really made my heart drop by the thought of meeting a referral, start planning our future life together, and then loosing her!

So, I really need to refocus and put all my worries in God's hands, like what I did during Diego's process. Even in the uncertainty of things, I remember living those months with peace. Today when I told Mark some of my concerns about how long this wait could be and other worries, he looked at me, even with a smile, and told me that we are a family already and that we can wait together for our daughter... I guess he was thinking about all the good things we have as a family and how happy we should be about it, instead of just sinking ourselves in worries...

And as a sign that I really need to BE happy, today I got an email from my sister Dusya. In her email, she mentioned the whole thing about "when in doubt, be happy" and included the following nice poem (she didn't mention the author):

"I asked GOD for strength, and He gave me difficulties to make me strong.
I asked GOD for wisdom, and He gave me problems to solve.
I asked GOD for prosperity, and He gave me brains and hands to work with.
I asked GOD for courage, and He gave me obstacles to overcome.
I asked GOD for love, and He gave me troubled people for me to help.
I asked GOD for favors, and He gave me opportunities after opportunities.
I got nothing I wanted, but I got all I hoped.
I am, among all, a blessed man."

So, I am feeling a bit better now and promise that the next time I will post about some of the cool and happy stuff going on with our Diego!